In The Beginning. 

‘Things On Stix’ started out as a group of like minded friends who followed Rotherham United and has grown in to a national, if not international, group who all like the same things, namely drinking, singing and generally having a feckin good time while mainly following Rotherham & England.

 As with most ‘Stix’ tales, the story of the origin of the name ‘Things On Stix’ is a long and complicated one. Things are not decided with the ‘Stix’ - they evolve.

There were six Originals - see picture (Back row - Billy Quiz (4), Gobby Dave (5), Andy Monkhouse (RUFC Player), Desert Head (1), Monkey Boy (6). Front row - Gay Satan (3), Krusty (2)). This motley crew had been following Rotherham United for many years. Monkey, Satan, Krusty & Billy Quiz were born into it and Desert Head and Gobby were invited fairly late on in supporter’s life to attend matches and liked it so much that they were converted.

These 6 attended matches all over the country, and if the truth be known were in it for the social side rather than for a love of the club. You don’t follow somebody like Rotherham United for the enjoyment of watching the team play. It’s an excuse to get together and have a laugh with your mates.
 If you don’t believe me try getting ½ dozen or so lads together once a week every week throughout the summer and see how far you get. Most can never make it for one dodgy reason or another. But through the football season you will always find them together, once a fortnight stood or sat in the same place.
 So one particular red-hot Saturday afternoon on the 16th August 1997 these six found themselves attending the Cambridge United v Rotherham United match. The trip from Rotherham down to Cambridge has long since been forgotten. But I can tell you that several pubs would have been visited, many jokes would have been told and the piss would have been taken out of anything that moved……the usual trip. Again the pubs that were visited in Cambridge have also been lost to obscurity, but I know that the 6 would have been late out of the last one and been subsequently late into the ground. It’s a ‘Stix’ characteristic that the kick-off to any match is normally missed by 5 minutes.
 What I can tell you is that it was absolutely baking standing on that open away terrace behind the goal at the Abbey Stadium, with no natural shade. The catering facilities at the time within the ground left a lot to be desired and the meagre kiosk was ridiculously under stocked and they had nothing to drink. Even the taps in the toilets did not work.
 The game itself was instantly forgettable, with Cambridge running out 2-0 winners. And this game would have been forgotten completely had it not been for one song that was aimed at the Cambridge keeper while he was stood in front of us for (I think) the first half. The keeper was slightly on the large side and the usual comments were being shouted at him. And the inevitable “you ate all the pies song” started. But this time as the song finished Satan decided to continue it…..

You ate all the pies
You ate all the pies
You fat Bastard, You Fat Bastard
You ate all the pies.

And the Sausage Rolls
And the Sausage Rolls
You fat Bastard, You Fat Bastard
And the Sausage Rolls.

After the first line of the second verse everybody else on the terrace joined in. Then Billy Quiz continued

And the vol-au-vants
And the vol-au-vants
You fat Bastard, You Fat Bastard
And the vol-au-vants

At this point most verses were being sung to much laughter from all those around, including the Cambridge goalkeeper.

Another verse was started by Desert Head

And the Chicken legs
And the Chicken legs
You fat Bastard, You Fat Bastard
And the Chicken legs

Monkey chipped in with

And the fizzy pop
And the fizzy pop
You fat Bastard, You Fat Bastard
And the fizzy pop

And then Satan sung the immortal line…….

And the Things On Stix
And the Things On Stix
You Fat Bastard, You Fat Bastard
And the Things On Stix

At that point the song died as everybody was too busy laughing to carry-on.

So the game finished and the 6 made their way home, via a few more pubs and through a few chorus of “Meet the Boys”.
 This match would have just have been filed away under “a good day out” had it not then been for a conversation ¾ weeks later.

The 6 friends found themselves sponsoring a match at Rotherham. So they met up 3 hours before kick-off in the sponsors lounge at Millmoor. They sat in a corner telling the usual jokes and re-living games of the past. At some point Satan decided to go for a piss. And while stood facing the wall a lad of about 14 came and stood next to him. This lad looked Satan up and down and started giggling. Not unusual for blokes to laugh at Satan while stood having a piss but this was a child! Anyway the kid finished and left, and Satan somewhat puzzled returned to his friends and beer, with nothing being said.
 A few minutes later the buffet was opened and some of the lads decided to get some food. Satan and Monkey were stood chatting in the cue when Satan noticed the lad from the toilet stood in front of him. He was whispering something to his mum. His mother then turned round and smiled at Satan and Monkey, and something must have registered with her that she had to say something because it was obvious who they were talking about.

She said “you’re them aren’t you?”
“Sorry” replied Satan & Monkey
“You’re them lads?”
“Sorry, what lads?”
“Those ‘Things On Stix’ lads?”
“Sorry I’m still not with you”
“You lads were at Cambridge a few weeks ago weren’t you?”
“Yes”
“And you sang a song about ‘Things On Stix’?”
“Oh yes, we did yes”
“well my son was there and he came back full of a storey about some lads who sang this song about ‘Things on stix’, he’s been laughing about it ever since”
“Oh right yes that was us……we’re the ‘Things on Stix’ lads

And the Legend started……………..